Saturday, August 08, 2009

The Beginning

So I'm starting something new. Lastnight I totally forgot about my blog which is a sign. So now I may not blog EVERY day, just when I have something on my mind. I will continue "gabbing" about my life experiences.

Have you ever felt like you just wanted to scream at the world? Well.... I feel that way, and sadly I've been doing it too. I feel like screaming. At everyone. Even strangers. And I have been. I've lashed out at my best friends, my family, and my boyfriend. Everyone. I shouldn't be and I KNOW that but there are things building up inside of me that I'm just dying to scream out. this hurt is still happening. Just when I think the storm has passed, it comes back around again in a full circle.

I'm hiding from myself. Everytime I look in the mirror, I'm wearing a mask. It's a bright colored mask filled with symbols of happiness. Then, when I'm alone in my room blogging, and the mask comes off, there's a face that haunts me even in my dreams. There's this face of a 14 year old girl who acts like she's okay. But I've got the x-rays on this girl and on the inside, she's torn. Her bones are broken and she's lost tons of blood. And she's hiding from herself.

I found this picture and it says so much..... I don't know why. But it does.


The J's Xbox has broken. In Clancy's words, "We've lived several years without it, but now that we've had one, it's hard to live without one." I found it interesting that she put it that way, because that's how I feel about their family. I lived my entire life without the J's until January, and now that they're gone... things are hard. There's a difference between the 2 situations, though. The J's can get a new Xbox. I can't get another "J" family. It's a bad example, but you get my point.

No one will ever mean as much to me as they did. Ever.

Now that they've been taken from me, I don't know what to do.